Count Schemula

Ralphie made his choice. He chose the A4. I took pity on the poor sig, and she's all mine now.

She was crying on the porch, distraught and upset that Ralphie chose a car over her. I offered her a wine cooler, and now we're an item.

Lurid comments directed at said sig will get you a visit from Count Schemula in the middle of the night.

Ralphie

I go out for 5 minutes to pick up some groceries and when I get back home, the Count is making out with my Rachael.

Thanks man. Thanks alot.

Count Schemula

... and then you'd disappear for hours at a time.

You'd pull up to the house all smelling like clutch and brake. Cold sweat on your nape. ***** all shriveled from hard driving. She'd confront you about this and you'd just shrug your shoulders and mumble something about trying to get the tail out.

That was the last straw.

She told me she was yelling at you "you should get my tail out sometime, dammit!," but it was clear from the look in your eyes whose tail meant more.

Enter the Count wearing 2 bottles of CK One and a holding a cold strawberry wine cooler.

Ralphie

Think you're impervious to the lure of clutch and brake? Are you forgetting how aroused you get with these words: "drop throttle oversteer"? How about a perfectly executed heel-toe with a trailing sweet four wheel drift through that winding mountain road. We both know that even Rachael's curves, as sweet as they are, can't compare.

Wait until APR releases their chip. Need I say more?

You can lie to yourself and pretend you're not like me. But you are. You all are.

Soon enough, she'll be back in my arms, because she knows that no one can get her tail out like I can.

Doll Fin Boy

LMAOPIMP

A4MALITY˛(Joel)

LMAO *belly starting to hurt*