Apple Cup time...
11-17-2006, 09:18 AM
#2
New Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 424
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
How do you tell if a Cougar fan is married............
there's tabaco stains on both sides of the pickup.
I'm a displaced Husker fan living in Eburg.It ain't easy being red. Give me your best shot...lol.
I'm a displaced Husker fan living in Eburg.It ain't easy being red. Give me your best shot...lol.
11-17-2006, 10:09 AM
#4
AudiWorld Super User
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 20,601
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
No, actually.... These are FUNNY.
New Jokes!
It's the night before the Husky season opener and the Husky coach gets a call from UW's sole math professor. He tells the coach that his quarterback is academically inelgible because, shockingly enough, he missed his math final from summer session.
In true Husky fashion, the coach asks for a bending of the rules and like a usual UW professor, he agrees and they decide on a one question, all or nothing math final at the 50 yard line in Husky Stadium on Opening Day.
So there's the quarterback at midfield, the entire stadium becomes dead silent, and over the PA system, the math professor shouts "Okay, what is 2 + 3?"
The quarterback furrows his brow, sweat drips down his rather large forehead and he racks his brain with all his might before letting out a hoarse "5?".
The entire stadium erupts in a huge roar with every husky fan jumping up and down screaming "Give Him another Chance!! Give Him another Chance!!"
--Submitted by Wazzu Doogie
Q: What do Paris Hilton and UW have in common?
A: They both got screwed by a guy named 'Rick' (Cougarrrr on Cougfan.com)
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and the UW Program?
A: One lures kids into a fantasy world and uses them, is willing to pay millions to stay out of court, and has faded greatly over the years. The other is a musician.(Grayshark on Cougfan.com)
Q: Why do you see so many cars with UW plates on the side of the road just outside Pullman?
A: Because the Huskies always stall in the red zone.(GoCougs.net)
On the Field
Q: What's the difference between the Huskies and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Rose Bowl?
A: The Huskies.
Q: Did you guys here that they are going to replace the turf at Husky Stadium?
A: They are going to replace it with paper, because the Huskies always look better on paper.
Q: What do the Huskies and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Q: What's the difference between a Husky and a bowl of Cheerios?
A: Cheerios belong in a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between the Huskies and the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game.
Q: What do the Huskies and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 60,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ."
Q: How do you keep a Husky player out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Where do you go in Seattle in case of a tornado?
A: Husky Stadium - they never get a touchdown there.
Q: Why was Gilby upset when the Huskies playbook was stolen?
A: Because he hadn't finished coloring it.
Q: Did you hear that The Rolling Stones are playing at Husky Stadium?
A: Yeah, they're 10-point favorites.
Q: Why did Nevada get all the toxic waste and Washington all the Huskies?
A: Nevada got to pick first.
Q: What do a Husky cheerleader and a Husky quarterback have in common?
A: They both spend a lot of time on their backs.
Q: What's the first place a Husky cheerleader goes in the morning?
A: Home.
Q: What is the difference between a Husky cheerleader and an elephant?
A: About 40 lbs.
Q: How do you equalize the two?
A: Feed the elephant.
In the Courtroom
The UW football team was placed in a remedial English class. The professor asked the class, "Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?" All of the players raised their hands.
"The appeal," they shouted with pride.
Q: Why do Husky football players have such small steering wheels in their cars?
A: So they can drive with handcuffs on.
Q: Did you hear about the new Husky Honor System?
A: Yes, Your Honor, No Your Honor.
A Husky was filling out a job application when he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No." The next question, intended for people who had put "Yes" was "Why?" The Husky answered it anyway: "Never got caught!"
Q: What do you call a Husky in a 3 piece suit?
A: The defendant.
Q: Name the 3 famous Cougars
A: Edward R. Murrow, Keith Jackson, and Paul Allen
Q: Now name the 3 most famous Huskies
A: Ted Bundy, Brock Adams, and Sundodger
Q: What did the Cougar Alumnus say to the Husky Alumnus?
A: "You have the right to remain silent...."
Q: Did you hear about the Husky linebacker that stole the Police Car?
A: He saw the "911" on the side & thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Did you hear about the new Husky Honor System?
A: Yes, Your Honor, No Your Honor.
A Cougar and a Husky get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither alumnus is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the Cougar sees the Husky's logo shirt and says, "So you're a Husky, I'm a Cougar. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign that we should be friends, put our rivalries aside, and live in peace the rest of our days." The Husky replies, "I agree with you completely." The Cougar continues, "And look at this. Here's another sign. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Jack Daniels didn't break! Surely we should drink this and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the Husky. The Husky agrees, takes a several big swigs and hands the bottle back to the Cougar Alum. The Coug takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the Husky. The Husky asks, "Aren't you having any?"The Coug replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."
Dawg Crap
A Seattle area mortician had a new apprentice who was learning the embalming ropes. He walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Thinking he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his boss, he began examining the body. He rolled it over and to his amazement, there was a cork in its rear-end. Mystified, he pulled it out, and immediately heard the University of Washington fight song come out the cadaver's butt. Startled by what had happened, he shoved the cork back into the cadaver and ran up the stairs to find his mentor. "Sir, you've got to come down and help me! I've just seen something I can't believe," he cried. Annoyed by the naivet? of his assistant, he followed him downstairs. "There! Look at the cork in the sphincter", said to the assistant. "I couldn't imagine what it was doing there so I pulled it out. Please, you do it." The mortician was a bit surprised to see the cork, too, so he walked to the table and removed the cork. Once again, the University of Washington fight song started playing. Exasperated, he replaced the cork in its appointed position, turned to his assistant and said: "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of *******s sing that song." --(Jess Beyers)
Always the Runt of the Litter
Q: Why are Huskies like laxatives?
A: They both irritate the crap out of you.
Q: What do you call a Husky with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What is the difference between a Husky and a catfish?
A: One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
Q: What do you call an intelligent person in Husky Stadium?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the Husky who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
A: He had it bronzed.
Q: Why did the Husky football alum put his diploma on the dash board?
A: So he could park in handicapped parking.
Q: How do you make a Husky graduate leave your house?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: Why did eighteen Huskies go to the movies together?
A: They heard under seventeen weren't admitted!!!
Q: How does the Husky car pool work?
A: They all meet at work at 7:45.
Q: Why do Huskies have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
A: "Toes Go InFirst."
Q: Why can't Huskies dial 911?
A: They can't find the eleven on the phone!
Q: What did the Husky say when he opened the box of Cheerios?
Oh look... doughnut seeds!
Q: How can you tell when a Husky sends you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.
Q: Did you hear about the two Husky alumni that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why doesn't the UW have a college of pharmacy anymore?
A: The students kept breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Q: How many U of W freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: What does the average Husky player get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Husky fan with a pig?
A: Nothing. There's some things a pig's just not gonna do.
Q: What do a WSU student and a UW student have in common?
A: They both got accepted to UW !
Q: How do you amuse a Husky for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a football.
Q: Why don't Huskies go to the beach?
A: Cats keep trying to bury them.
Q: Why do Huskies have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
Q: How do you make a Husky football player laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
Q: Why did the Husky stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why do Huskies workout seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: How do you confuse a Husky?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why did the Husky keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So he could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: Why couldn't the Husky write the number ELEVEN?
A: He didn't know what ONE came first...
Q: How did the Husky break his leg raking leaves?
A: He fell out of the tree.
Q: What is the difference between a smart Husky and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a Husky?
A: A Doberman.
Q: How do keep a Husky from drinking too much?
A: Slam the lid on this head
Q: How do Husky brain cells die?
A: Alone.
Q: What's the difference between a Husky fan and a Husky dog ?
A: Drivers will swerve to miss the dog.
A boy comes home from school one day and his Dad asks him "What did you learn at school today, Son?"
"We learned the alphabet Dad. Some of the kids could only read up to the letter F, but I read all the way up to Z!"
Dad says, "Do you know why son?"
"No, Dad why?"
Dad says "Because you're a Husky!"
The next day the boy comes home from school and his Dad asks him "What did you learn at school today, Son?"
"We learned how to count. Some of the kids could only count to 10, but I counted all the way to 100."
Dad says "Do you know why, Son?"
"No, Dad why?"
Dad says "Because you're a Husky!"
The next day the boy comes home from school and his Dad asks him "What did you learn at school today, Son?"
"We played basketball and I was the first one picked."
Dad says "Do you know why, Son?"
"Because I'm a Husky?"
Dad says "No, it's because you're 27."
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Husky joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a UW alumni. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2 tall, weighs 225, and he's a UW alumni. The fella next to him is 6'5 tall, weighs 250, and he's a UW alumni.
Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it 3 times."
An UW football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback-riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Thank God the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it.
A Husky recruit showed up for practice with his cleats on the wrong feet. The coach said "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at him with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Coach, I know they're my feet."
On the first day of football practice, the coach said to his players, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, just hold up your hand." A voice from the back of the huddle asked, "Duh, ....... how's that gonna help?"
One day, Coach Gilby gave each of his young recruits a box of animal crackers after a hard practice. One of the recruits began spreading them all over the table. "What are you doing?" asked coach Rick. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the Husky explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
Three Huskies were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for 4 hours they finally saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT" so they turned around and went home.
Did you hear about the two Husky alumni that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
The son of a very rich Arab sheik was graduating. The sheik went to his son's roommate and told him, "I really appreciate all the help you have given my son while you two were in school. Just name a gift, and I will buy it for you."
The roommate thinks about it and tells the sheik, "Ever since I was a little kid, I've always wanted a real Mickey Mouse outfit." So the sheik bought him the University of Washington uniform.
A Husky grad decides he wants to raise chickens. So he goes to a feed store, buys a bunch of baby chicks, plants 'em feet-first in the ground, and sadly after a couple days they die. He figures he's doing something wrong, so he goes back to the feed store and buys more chicks. This time he plants 'em headfirst, and they die even faster. Now this UW grad is at his wit's end, so he decides to write to his alma mater, tell them what he's doing, and see if maybe they have any suggestions. Two weeks later he gets a note back from UW asking for a soil sample.
A Husky alum wants his son to go to UW, but the son's IQ is too high. Since the alum really wants his son to be a Husky he agrees to test an IQ-reducing machine. The Husky scientist explain to the father and son that the machine is experimental and has never been tested. The chance for his son to be a Husky makes the risk acceptable to the farmer. They strap the son into the machine and turn it on. His IQ starts dropping. 130...110...100...90...80...70...60... When the scientist flips the OFF switch, nothing happens. The son's IQ keeps dropping. 40...30...10...0...-10...-20. The scientist finally pulls the plug and stops the machine. The alum runs to his son and screams, "Son, say something!" The son looks him right in the eye and says, "Go Dawgs!"
Two Husky players decide they want to try ice fishing. They go and buy all the necessary equipment and load up their pick-up. In the process, the students realize they don't know where to go to try out this new sport. Finally, after about three hours of intense brainstorming, one student thinks of the perfect spot. They drive to the spot, unload their equipment and make their way onto the ice in search for the perfect location. They cut a hole in the ice and beginto fish. About three minutes pass when out of nowhere a booming voice is heard: "THERE ARE NO FISH BENEATH THE ICE!" Completely confused and scared, the two students stop and look around but see no one. "Did you hear that?" ask one student. "Yea: Who was it?" responded the second student. Confused but determined, both students continue to fish. A minute passes, and they hear again: "THERE ARE NO FISH BENEATH THE ICE!" Dazed and frightened, one student stands up, looks to the heavens and asks "Is that You God? Are you trying to help us?" The voice responds "No, you idiot, it's the ice rink manager. Now get off our ice!"
Did you hear that UW just bought twenty new septic tanks?
Yeah, and Husky coach says as soon as they learn to drive them, they're gonna invade Ballard.
A Husky fan and a Husky football player were walking in the woods. The player says to the fan, "Hey look at the moose tracks!" The fan looks at him and says, "Those aren't moose tracks, those are bear tracks!" They were still arguing when the train hit them.
UW is playing at Oregon, which has a first down with three minutes left in the half. A UW fan sets off a firecracker, and Oregon, thinking it's the end of the half, runs off the field. Three plays later, UW punts.
A ventriloquist is working in Seattle and during his show a Husky stands up and yells,"HEY YOU! ONSTAGE! You been making smart-*** remarks about us Huskies being stupid all night long! We're not all stupid ya know!" -"Relax" said the ventriloquist, "They're just jokes!"- "I'm not talking to you, sir!" The Husky replied. "I'm talking to that little bastard sitting on your knee!"
Two huskies are sitting in a bar and all of the sudden start jumping up and down and giving each other high five's as they scream "55 DAYS, 55 DAYS!!" After this went on for some time the bartender became curious and asked the two huskies what they were so excited about. The two huskies finally calmed down and explained, "We finished this puzzle in 55 days!!" The bartender, still perplexed, replied, "Yeah,.. so?" To which the husky replied, "It says right on the box 2-3 years!"
{Two guys are sitting in a diner}
Guy #1: By chance, are you a Cougar?
Guy #2: Yes, how could you tell?
Guy #1: Just by your sense of pride, & the way you carry yourself.
Guy #2: I see, hey, are you a Husky?
Guy #1: Why, yes, how could you tell?
Guy #2: I saw your class ring while you were picking your nose.
Huskies didn't want to play late in Pullman one year because they would have to drive in the dark.
Cougars offered the solution: ...turn on your lights.
Did you hear about the Coug who transferred to the UW and raised both schools GPA'S?
A Cougar and a Husky were strolling down the street when the Coug said,
"How sad - a dead bird." The Husky looked up and said, "Where, where?"
A Husky football player was working out in a gym one day when he smelled smoke. He quickly rushed to the phone and dialed 911. In the calmest voice he could muster, he reported the fire. The dispatcher asked "How do we get there?" The Husky hesitated a few seconds then asked, "Don't you guys have those big red trucks anymore?"
A woman received some bad news one day. It seems that her husband had been in an accident and was brain dead. However, the hospital had perfected a new brain transplant procedure and luckily there were two brains available. A Cougar brain transplant would cost $10,000. A Husky transplant would cost $100,000. Curious, she asked why the Husky brain was so much more expensive. The reply...."The Husky brain has never been used."
Four alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Northwest School, and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally, as they reached the top, the OSU Beaver hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for OSU!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the UO Duck threw himself off the mountain, proclaiming "This is for U of O!". Seeing this, the Cougar walked over and shouted "This is for WAZZU!", and threw the Husky off the side of the mountain.
A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room. As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color." The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out,"Green side up!" He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour. "In this room, I was thinking of an off blue." Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!" This baffled the woman, but she was hesitant to say anything. In the next room, the woman said she would like it painted in a light rose color. And once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, "Green side up!" Struck with curiosity, the woman mustered up the nerve to ask, "Why do you keep yelling 'Green side up' out my window every time I tell you the color I would like the room?" The contractor replied, "Because I have a crew of Husky grads laying sod across the street."
It's the night before the Husky season opener and the Husky coach gets a call from UW's sole math professor. He tells the coach that his quarterback is academically inelgible because, shockingly enough, he missed his math final from summer session.
In true Husky fashion, the coach asks for a bending of the rules and like a usual UW professor, he agrees and they decide on a one question, all or nothing math final at the 50 yard line in Husky Stadium on Opening Day.
So there's the quarterback at midfield, the entire stadium becomes dead silent, and over the PA system, the math professor shouts "Okay, what is 2 + 3?"
The quarterback furrows his brow, sweat drips down his rather large forehead and he racks his brain with all his might before letting out a hoarse "5?".
The entire stadium erupts in a huge roar with every husky fan jumping up and down screaming "Give Him another Chance!! Give Him another Chance!!"
--Submitted by Wazzu Doogie
Q: What do Paris Hilton and UW have in common?
A: They both got screwed by a guy named 'Rick' (Cougarrrr on Cougfan.com)
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and the UW Program?
A: One lures kids into a fantasy world and uses them, is willing to pay millions to stay out of court, and has faded greatly over the years. The other is a musician.(Grayshark on Cougfan.com)
Q: Why do you see so many cars with UW plates on the side of the road just outside Pullman?
A: Because the Huskies always stall in the red zone.(GoCougs.net)
On the Field
Q: What's the difference between the Huskies and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Rose Bowl?
A: The Huskies.
Q: Did you guys here that they are going to replace the turf at Husky Stadium?
A: They are going to replace it with paper, because the Huskies always look better on paper.
Q: What do the Huskies and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Q: What's the difference between a Husky and a bowl of Cheerios?
A: Cheerios belong in a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between the Huskies and the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game.
Q: What do the Huskies and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 60,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ."
Q: How do you keep a Husky player out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Where do you go in Seattle in case of a tornado?
A: Husky Stadium - they never get a touchdown there.
Q: Why was Gilby upset when the Huskies playbook was stolen?
A: Because he hadn't finished coloring it.
Q: Did you hear that The Rolling Stones are playing at Husky Stadium?
A: Yeah, they're 10-point favorites.
Q: Why did Nevada get all the toxic waste and Washington all the Huskies?
A: Nevada got to pick first.
Q: What do a Husky cheerleader and a Husky quarterback have in common?
A: They both spend a lot of time on their backs.
Q: What's the first place a Husky cheerleader goes in the morning?
A: Home.
Q: What is the difference between a Husky cheerleader and an elephant?
A: About 40 lbs.
Q: How do you equalize the two?
A: Feed the elephant.
In the Courtroom
The UW football team was placed in a remedial English class. The professor asked the class, "Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?" All of the players raised their hands.
"The appeal," they shouted with pride.
Q: Why do Husky football players have such small steering wheels in their cars?
A: So they can drive with handcuffs on.
Q: Did you hear about the new Husky Honor System?
A: Yes, Your Honor, No Your Honor.
A Husky was filling out a job application when he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No." The next question, intended for people who had put "Yes" was "Why?" The Husky answered it anyway: "Never got caught!"
Q: What do you call a Husky in a 3 piece suit?
A: The defendant.
Q: Name the 3 famous Cougars
A: Edward R. Murrow, Keith Jackson, and Paul Allen
Q: Now name the 3 most famous Huskies
A: Ted Bundy, Brock Adams, and Sundodger
Q: What did the Cougar Alumnus say to the Husky Alumnus?
A: "You have the right to remain silent...."
Q: Did you hear about the Husky linebacker that stole the Police Car?
A: He saw the "911" on the side & thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Did you hear about the new Husky Honor System?
A: Yes, Your Honor, No Your Honor.
A Cougar and a Husky get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither alumnus is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the Cougar sees the Husky's logo shirt and says, "So you're a Husky, I'm a Cougar. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign that we should be friends, put our rivalries aside, and live in peace the rest of our days." The Husky replies, "I agree with you completely." The Cougar continues, "And look at this. Here's another sign. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Jack Daniels didn't break! Surely we should drink this and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the Husky. The Husky agrees, takes a several big swigs and hands the bottle back to the Cougar Alum. The Coug takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the Husky. The Husky asks, "Aren't you having any?"The Coug replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."
Dawg Crap
A Seattle area mortician had a new apprentice who was learning the embalming ropes. He walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Thinking he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his boss, he began examining the body. He rolled it over and to his amazement, there was a cork in its rear-end. Mystified, he pulled it out, and immediately heard the University of Washington fight song come out the cadaver's butt. Startled by what had happened, he shoved the cork back into the cadaver and ran up the stairs to find his mentor. "Sir, you've got to come down and help me! I've just seen something I can't believe," he cried. Annoyed by the naivet? of his assistant, he followed him downstairs. "There! Look at the cork in the sphincter", said to the assistant. "I couldn't imagine what it was doing there so I pulled it out. Please, you do it." The mortician was a bit surprised to see the cork, too, so he walked to the table and removed the cork. Once again, the University of Washington fight song started playing. Exasperated, he replaced the cork in its appointed position, turned to his assistant and said: "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of *******s sing that song." --(Jess Beyers)
Always the Runt of the Litter
Q: Why are Huskies like laxatives?
A: They both irritate the crap out of you.
Q: What do you call a Husky with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What is the difference between a Husky and a catfish?
A: One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
Q: What do you call an intelligent person in Husky Stadium?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the Husky who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
A: He had it bronzed.
Q: Why did the Husky football alum put his diploma on the dash board?
A: So he could park in handicapped parking.
Q: How do you make a Husky graduate leave your house?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: Why did eighteen Huskies go to the movies together?
A: They heard under seventeen weren't admitted!!!
Q: How does the Husky car pool work?
A: They all meet at work at 7:45.
Q: Why do Huskies have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
A: "Toes Go InFirst."
Q: Why can't Huskies dial 911?
A: They can't find the eleven on the phone!
Q: What did the Husky say when he opened the box of Cheerios?
Oh look... doughnut seeds!
Q: How can you tell when a Husky sends you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.
Q: Did you hear about the two Husky alumni that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why doesn't the UW have a college of pharmacy anymore?
A: The students kept breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Q: How many U of W freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: What does the average Husky player get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Husky fan with a pig?
A: Nothing. There's some things a pig's just not gonna do.
Q: What do a WSU student and a UW student have in common?
A: They both got accepted to UW !
Q: How do you amuse a Husky for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a football.
Q: Why don't Huskies go to the beach?
A: Cats keep trying to bury them.
Q: Why do Huskies have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
Q: How do you make a Husky football player laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
Q: Why did the Husky stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why do Huskies workout seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: How do you confuse a Husky?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why did the Husky keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So he could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: Why couldn't the Husky write the number ELEVEN?
A: He didn't know what ONE came first...
Q: How did the Husky break his leg raking leaves?
A: He fell out of the tree.
Q: What is the difference between a smart Husky and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a Husky?
A: A Doberman.
Q: How do keep a Husky from drinking too much?
A: Slam the lid on this head
Q: How do Husky brain cells die?
A: Alone.
Q: What's the difference between a Husky fan and a Husky dog ?
A: Drivers will swerve to miss the dog.
A boy comes home from school one day and his Dad asks him "What did you learn at school today, Son?"
"We learned the alphabet Dad. Some of the kids could only read up to the letter F, but I read all the way up to Z!"
Dad says, "Do you know why son?"
"No, Dad why?"
Dad says "Because you're a Husky!"
The next day the boy comes home from school and his Dad asks him "What did you learn at school today, Son?"
"We learned how to count. Some of the kids could only count to 10, but I counted all the way to 100."
Dad says "Do you know why, Son?"
"No, Dad why?"
Dad says "Because you're a Husky!"
The next day the boy comes home from school and his Dad asks him "What did you learn at school today, Son?"
"We played basketball and I was the first one picked."
Dad says "Do you know why, Son?"
"Because I'm a Husky?"
Dad says "No, it's because you're 27."
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Husky joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a UW alumni. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2 tall, weighs 225, and he's a UW alumni. The fella next to him is 6'5 tall, weighs 250, and he's a UW alumni.
Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it 3 times."
An UW football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback-riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Thank God the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it.
A Husky recruit showed up for practice with his cleats on the wrong feet. The coach said "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at him with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Coach, I know they're my feet."
On the first day of football practice, the coach said to his players, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, just hold up your hand." A voice from the back of the huddle asked, "Duh, ....... how's that gonna help?"
One day, Coach Gilby gave each of his young recruits a box of animal crackers after a hard practice. One of the recruits began spreading them all over the table. "What are you doing?" asked coach Rick. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the Husky explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
Three Huskies were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for 4 hours they finally saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT" so they turned around and went home.
Did you hear about the two Husky alumni that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
The son of a very rich Arab sheik was graduating. The sheik went to his son's roommate and told him, "I really appreciate all the help you have given my son while you two were in school. Just name a gift, and I will buy it for you."
The roommate thinks about it and tells the sheik, "Ever since I was a little kid, I've always wanted a real Mickey Mouse outfit." So the sheik bought him the University of Washington uniform.
A Husky grad decides he wants to raise chickens. So he goes to a feed store, buys a bunch of baby chicks, plants 'em feet-first in the ground, and sadly after a couple days they die. He figures he's doing something wrong, so he goes back to the feed store and buys more chicks. This time he plants 'em headfirst, and they die even faster. Now this UW grad is at his wit's end, so he decides to write to his alma mater, tell them what he's doing, and see if maybe they have any suggestions. Two weeks later he gets a note back from UW asking for a soil sample.
A Husky alum wants his son to go to UW, but the son's IQ is too high. Since the alum really wants his son to be a Husky he agrees to test an IQ-reducing machine. The Husky scientist explain to the father and son that the machine is experimental and has never been tested. The chance for his son to be a Husky makes the risk acceptable to the farmer. They strap the son into the machine and turn it on. His IQ starts dropping. 130...110...100...90...80...70...60... When the scientist flips the OFF switch, nothing happens. The son's IQ keeps dropping. 40...30...10...0...-10...-20. The scientist finally pulls the plug and stops the machine. The alum runs to his son and screams, "Son, say something!" The son looks him right in the eye and says, "Go Dawgs!"
Two Husky players decide they want to try ice fishing. They go and buy all the necessary equipment and load up their pick-up. In the process, the students realize they don't know where to go to try out this new sport. Finally, after about three hours of intense brainstorming, one student thinks of the perfect spot. They drive to the spot, unload their equipment and make their way onto the ice in search for the perfect location. They cut a hole in the ice and beginto fish. About three minutes pass when out of nowhere a booming voice is heard: "THERE ARE NO FISH BENEATH THE ICE!" Completely confused and scared, the two students stop and look around but see no one. "Did you hear that?" ask one student. "Yea: Who was it?" responded the second student. Confused but determined, both students continue to fish. A minute passes, and they hear again: "THERE ARE NO FISH BENEATH THE ICE!" Dazed and frightened, one student stands up, looks to the heavens and asks "Is that You God? Are you trying to help us?" The voice responds "No, you idiot, it's the ice rink manager. Now get off our ice!"
Did you hear that UW just bought twenty new septic tanks?
Yeah, and Husky coach says as soon as they learn to drive them, they're gonna invade Ballard.
A Husky fan and a Husky football player were walking in the woods. The player says to the fan, "Hey look at the moose tracks!" The fan looks at him and says, "Those aren't moose tracks, those are bear tracks!" They were still arguing when the train hit them.
UW is playing at Oregon, which has a first down with three minutes left in the half. A UW fan sets off a firecracker, and Oregon, thinking it's the end of the half, runs off the field. Three plays later, UW punts.
A ventriloquist is working in Seattle and during his show a Husky stands up and yells,"HEY YOU! ONSTAGE! You been making smart-*** remarks about us Huskies being stupid all night long! We're not all stupid ya know!" -"Relax" said the ventriloquist, "They're just jokes!"- "I'm not talking to you, sir!" The Husky replied. "I'm talking to that little bastard sitting on your knee!"
Two huskies are sitting in a bar and all of the sudden start jumping up and down and giving each other high five's as they scream "55 DAYS, 55 DAYS!!" After this went on for some time the bartender became curious and asked the two huskies what they were so excited about. The two huskies finally calmed down and explained, "We finished this puzzle in 55 days!!" The bartender, still perplexed, replied, "Yeah,.. so?" To which the husky replied, "It says right on the box 2-3 years!"
{Two guys are sitting in a diner}
Guy #1: By chance, are you a Cougar?
Guy #2: Yes, how could you tell?
Guy #1: Just by your sense of pride, & the way you carry yourself.
Guy #2: I see, hey, are you a Husky?
Guy #1: Why, yes, how could you tell?
Guy #2: I saw your class ring while you were picking your nose.
Huskies didn't want to play late in Pullman one year because they would have to drive in the dark.
Cougars offered the solution: ...turn on your lights.
Did you hear about the Coug who transferred to the UW and raised both schools GPA'S?
A Cougar and a Husky were strolling down the street when the Coug said,
"How sad - a dead bird." The Husky looked up and said, "Where, where?"
A Husky football player was working out in a gym one day when he smelled smoke. He quickly rushed to the phone and dialed 911. In the calmest voice he could muster, he reported the fire. The dispatcher asked "How do we get there?" The Husky hesitated a few seconds then asked, "Don't you guys have those big red trucks anymore?"
A woman received some bad news one day. It seems that her husband had been in an accident and was brain dead. However, the hospital had perfected a new brain transplant procedure and luckily there were two brains available. A Cougar brain transplant would cost $10,000. A Husky transplant would cost $100,000. Curious, she asked why the Husky brain was so much more expensive. The reply...."The Husky brain has never been used."
Four alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Northwest School, and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally, as they reached the top, the OSU Beaver hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for OSU!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the UO Duck threw himself off the mountain, proclaiming "This is for U of O!". Seeing this, the Cougar walked over and shouted "This is for WAZZU!", and threw the Husky off the side of the mountain.
A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room. As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color." The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out,"Green side up!" He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour. "In this room, I was thinking of an off blue." Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!" This baffled the woman, but she was hesitant to say anything. In the next room, the woman said she would like it painted in a light rose color. And once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, "Green side up!" Struck with curiosity, the woman mustered up the nerve to ask, "Why do you keep yelling 'Green side up' out my window every time I tell you the color I would like the room?" The contractor replied, "Because I have a crew of Husky grads laying sod across the street."
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
