Following up RoberTT's zen thoughts.......
01-18-2008, 08:52 AM
#1
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Following up RoberTT's zen thoughts.......
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys
and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the
bad girls live.
6. If I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the
self-help section?" would I defeat the purpose?
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is
It considered a hostage situation?
10. Is there another word for synonym?
11. Where do Forest Rangers go to "get away from it all?"
12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an
Endangered plant?
13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?
16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?
19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road
signs?
21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
25. How is it possible to have a civil war?
26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become
disoriented?
34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
35. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys
and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the
bad girls live.
6. If I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the
self-help section?" would I defeat the purpose?
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is
It considered a hostage situation?
10. Is there another word for synonym?
11. Where do Forest Rangers go to "get away from it all?"
12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an
Endangered plant?
13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?
16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?
19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road
signs?
21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
25. How is it possible to have a civil war?
26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become
disoriented?
34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
35. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
01-18-2008, 09:12 AM
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"From my position....."
The Original Fifty Laws (Murphys' Laws of Combat)
Murphy was a grunt.
A sucking chest wound is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Recoilless rifles -- aren't.
Neutral countries -- aren't.
Suppressive fires -- won't.
Friendly fire -- isn't.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
When you are forward of your position, the artillery will always be short.
When the enemy is closing, the artillery will always be long.
Try to look unimportant -- the enemy may be low on ammo.
Don't look conspicuous -- it draws fire.
Never draw fire -- it irritates everyone around you.
Never share a foxhole with someone braver than you.
Teamwork is essential -- it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection.
No inspection ready unit ever passed combat.
Fortify your front and you'll get your rear shot up.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
If your attack is going really well, you're in an ambush. (personal favorite)
The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
If you're short of everything except the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
When in doubt -- empty your magazine.
If both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
Once you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
There's always a way.
The easy way is always mined.
If the enemy is within range so are you. (another fave)
Tracers work both ways.
In war, important things are simple and simple things are very hard.
If it's stupid and it works, it ain't stupid.
Communications will fail as soon as you desperately need fire support .
Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
Weather ain't neutral.
Remember, your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
If you can't remember- the claymore is pointed toward you.
All five second fuses are three seconds.
Military Intelligence can be a contradiction in terms.
There is no such thing as a perfect plan. (RULE #1)
No OPLAN survives the first enemy contact.
Sniper's motto: "Reach out and touch someone."
B-52's are the ultimate in close air support.
Peace is our profession- mass murder's just a hobby.
Killing for peace is like whoring for virginity.
Professionals are predictable but the world is full of dangerous amateurs. (and I know too many of them)
All other things being equal, the side with the simplest uniforms wins.
It's not the one with your name on it -- it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" that you should be worried about.
Mines are an equal opportunity weapon.
Smart bombs have bad days too.
Remember that napalm is an area weapon.
----------------------------------------------
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer for anything.
Anything you do can get you shot- including doing nothing.
A Purple Heart just proves that you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
Once the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
Murphy was a grunt.
A sucking chest wound is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Recoilless rifles -- aren't.
Neutral countries -- aren't.
Suppressive fires -- won't.
Friendly fire -- isn't.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
When you are forward of your position, the artillery will always be short.
When the enemy is closing, the artillery will always be long.
Try to look unimportant -- the enemy may be low on ammo.
Don't look conspicuous -- it draws fire.
Never draw fire -- it irritates everyone around you.
Never share a foxhole with someone braver than you.
Teamwork is essential -- it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection.
No inspection ready unit ever passed combat.
Fortify your front and you'll get your rear shot up.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
If your attack is going really well, you're in an ambush. (personal favorite)
The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
If you're short of everything except the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
When in doubt -- empty your magazine.
If both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
Once you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
There's always a way.
The easy way is always mined.
If the enemy is within range so are you. (another fave)
Tracers work both ways.
In war, important things are simple and simple things are very hard.
If it's stupid and it works, it ain't stupid.
Communications will fail as soon as you desperately need fire support .
Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
Weather ain't neutral.
Remember, your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
If you can't remember- the claymore is pointed toward you.
All five second fuses are three seconds.
Military Intelligence can be a contradiction in terms.
There is no such thing as a perfect plan. (RULE #1)
No OPLAN survives the first enemy contact.
Sniper's motto: "Reach out and touch someone."
B-52's are the ultimate in close air support.
Peace is our profession- mass murder's just a hobby.
Killing for peace is like whoring for virginity.
Professionals are predictable but the world is full of dangerous amateurs. (and I know too many of them)
All other things being equal, the side with the simplest uniforms wins.
It's not the one with your name on it -- it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" that you should be worried about.
Mines are an equal opportunity weapon.
Smart bombs have bad days too.
Remember that napalm is an area weapon.
----------------------------------------------
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer for anything.
Anything you do can get you shot- including doing nothing.
A Purple Heart just proves that you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
Once the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
