Friday Jokes. (It's just humor ladies) :-)
02-08-2002, 05:44 AM
#1
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Friday Jokes. (It's just humor ladies) :-)
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
----------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
----------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
----------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
----------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------
Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build
up the required pressure.
----------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
----------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
----------------------------------------
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
----------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.
----------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------
Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
----------------------------------------
Our last fight was my fault:
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
----------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God
nor Man has rested.
----------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
----------------------------------------
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman
shopping on Rodeo Drive and said,
"I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said,
"God, I wish I had your willpower."
----------------------------------------
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
----------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
----------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
----------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
----------------------------------------
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
----------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
----------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
----------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
----------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------
Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build
up the required pressure.
----------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
----------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
----------------------------------------
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
----------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.
----------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------
Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
----------------------------------------
Our last fight was my fault:
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
----------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God
nor Man has rested.
----------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
----------------------------------------
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman
shopping on Rodeo Drive and said,
"I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said,
"God, I wish I had your willpower."
----------------------------------------
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
----------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
----------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
----------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
----------------------------------------
02-08-2002, 06:11 AM
#4
I got this one from my wife in an e-mail yesterday... she thought it was hilarious.
Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves.
Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable.
Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They live in houses,apartments, and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run, or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!
Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family
and friends. And all they want in return is a hug, a smile, and for you to do the same for people you come in contact with.
MEN
Men are good at lifting heavy **** and killing bugs
Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable.
Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They live in houses,apartments, and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run, or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!
Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family
and friends. And all they want in return is a hug, a smile, and for you to do the same for people you come in contact with.
MEN
Men are good at lifting heavy **** and killing bugs
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