Kriminal

Two Irish men were building a wooden house in Co.Clare.

One man picked up a nail, hammered it in, picked up another nail, and threw it away.

After that, he picked up another nail, hammered it in, picked up another nail, and threw it away. After this had been going on for some time, his workmate finally came over and asked him why he was throwing half of the nails away.

"It's obvious," he said. "Those ones were pointed at the wrong end. "How could you be so stupid?" said his friend. "They were for the other side of the house

Kriminal

11. "Ahhh! Yoda's little friend you seek!"

10. "Urm. Put a shield on my sabre I must."

9. "Feel the force!"

8. "Foreplay, cuddling-a Jedi craves not these things."

7. "Down here, I am. Find a ladder, I must!"

6. "Do me or do me not-there is no try."

5. "Early must I rise. Leave now you must!"

4. "Happens to every guy sometimes this does."

3. "When 900 years old you get, Viagra you need too, hmmmmm?"

2. "Ow, ow, OW! On my ear you are!"

And the top most common thing Uttered by Yoda While Making Love.....

1. "Who's your Jedi master? WHO'S your Jedi Master?"

Kriminal

Italy has funded a study to determine why the head of a man's ***** is wider than its shaft. The study took 2 years and cost over 180,000.000,000 lira.

The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man's ***** is wider was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the Italian study were incorrect.

After three years of research and costs in excess of 250,000.000 francs they concluded that the head of a man's ***** is wider than the shaft to provide the women with more pleasure during sex.

When the results of the French study were released, the English decided to conduct their own study. The English didn't really trust the Italian or French studies.

So after nearly three weeks of intensive research and at a cost of approx 36 pounds the English study came to the final conclusion that the reason the head of a man's ***** is wider than its shaft is to prevent his hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead

Kriminal

At Heathrow, a 300-foot long red carpet is stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strides to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.
They ride in a silver 1934 Bentley limousine to the edge of central London where they board an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white matching horses. They ride toward Buckingham Palace, each looking sideways and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all is going well. Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous, earth-rending, eye-smarting blast of gastronomic flatulence ever heard in the British Empire, including Bermuda, Tortola and the Falkland Islands. It shakes the coach. Uncomfortable, but under control, the two dignitaries of state do their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decides that's ridiculous.
She turns to Mr. Bush and explains, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."
George W. Bush, ever the gentleman, replies, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something, I would have thought it was one of the horses...."

misTTerg2k

I can't believe "Judge me by my size do you?" isn't on here

Kriminal

wanna make a number 13 ?

Kriminal

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer.
After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched on his gun belt and said, "I do...Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was just about ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse some water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver for a little while and see if you can create enough of a breeze to cool him off!"

Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his beer.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who
owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"

The cowboy looks him in the eye and says,.. "nothin', but you left your Injun runnin'."

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While out riding on his horse one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding
on his horse, with a dog and a sheep running along side of him, and
began a conversation with the native.

"Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"

The Indian... "Dog no talk.

Cowboy: "Hey dog, how you doin'?"

Dog: "Doin' all right, thanks."

Indian: Look of shock and disbelief.

Cowboy: "Is this man your owner?" pointing at the Indian. Dog: "Yep"

Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. Walks me twice a day, feeds me good food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Cowboy: "Okay if I talk to your horse?"

Indian: "Horse no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

Indian: Extreme look of shock and total disbelief.

Cowboy: "Is this your owner?", again pointing at the Indian.

Horse: "Yep, sure is"

Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, and thank you for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down everyday, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."

Indian: Total look of utter amazement.

Cowboy: "Okay with you if I talk to your sheep?"

Indian: "Sheep big liar."

BTTI

"Like the little green thing you do!"