Kriminal

Why it is good to be a man?

1. Your *** is never a factor in a job interview.
2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
3. Your last name stays put.
4. The garage is all yours.
5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. You don't give a rat's *** if someone notices your new haircut.
9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
10. Same work .. more pay.
11. Wrinkles-add character.
12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100
.
14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen
.
15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them
.
16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet
.
17. One mood, ALL the damn time
.
18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds
.
19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase
.
20. You can open all your own jars
.
26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
.
27. No maxi-pads
.
28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends
.
29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors
.
30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt
.
31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes
.
32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades
.
33. Your belly usually hides your big hips

Kriminal

A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets horrible
sunburn. He is taken to the hospital by ambulance and is promptly
admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns. With his skin
already starting to blister and noting the severe pain he is in, the
doctor goes ahead and prescribes continuous intravenous feeding with
saline, electrolytes, a sedative and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who is rather astounded, asks, "What good will Viagra do for
him now, Doctor?"

"It'll keep the sheets off his legs."

Kriminal

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning!
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it's 3 o' clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes" comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?", calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk